EcoGeek's guide to getting girls

This isn't necessarily what EcoGeek is about. But I figure, as a fairly romantically successful EcoGeek with quite a few tricks up my eco-sleeves, I'd bestow some of my knowledge upon my faithful readers.

Now, I know that not all of you are guys, and I'm confident that many of those who are guys are quite capable of making the ladies swoon. But as a certified husband with a certified Master of Environmental Science, I would like to think that I have a special sort of knowledge.

So if you've got EcoGeek cred with the ladies, but aren't quite sure how to convert that into some good lovin' I've got a few suggestions.

Work Up Your Green Cred
Skip the fancy dinner and head to the local wildlife refuge, land trust, or wildlife rehabilitation center...preferably with checkbook in hand. A lot of ladies aren't even impressed by $100 dinners anymore, but she'll be putty in your hands if you bust out a Benjamin for mother earth.

A Shower Built for Two
Your water heater is likely the most power-hungry appliance in your house. And a great deal of the hot water we use is for that daily steamy ritual...the shower. Traditionally, this is a solitary activity. But why? What better time to multitask! Get dirty while you get clean, and save some energy at the same time. You can invite her into the shower with you to save money, energy, time and the planet! Trust me, it's an easy sell.

The Love Train
There's no more romantic start to a relationship than a mini-vacation. And while cars and planes are generally the first thought for travel, they're decidedly ungreen....and also uncomfortable places for lovin'. Think about the planet...and the bed, and try a train. Amtrak has been sprucing up its services lately, offering free booze on East Coast trips and inexpensive "roomettes" for couples. What does this mean for your love life? How about a bottle of wine with dinner and the only method of travelling across the country that includes a locked door and a fold-out bed. Want to add a bunch of states to the "yeah... I did it there" list?....Trains are perfect.

Downloadable Distractions
Depending on the general level of dirtiness of your girl, you might find that digital warez can be acquired without physical packaging. If there's anything that's easy to acquire via the Internet, it's porn. Whatever she's into, you can find it. But make sure she's into it first. A good suggestion? How about F*ck for Forest (nsfw), the only porn site that gives a portion of proceeds to conservation efforts.

Solar Powered Passion
Yes, indeed, there are solar powered sex toys. Just in case she needs to know you're taking care of the environment while you're taking care of her needs. But, even better, why buy a vibrator when you can turn your cell phone into one with no extra materials (or money spent)? To finish it off, buy a solar charger for your new cellular vibrator for a double whammy.

Turn Down the Heat
If you find that you and your lady share a bed, but not much else, the problem might be as simple as the temperature. Turn down the thermostat in the winter, "to save on carbon emissions." Before bed, run your hands under some hot water so that she won't shy from your touch, and then get some heat going the original way.